And woah...i found this again..unbelievable...its been ages...so many emo shits...that was me last time..and i'm here again to pour some stuffs again to kill my boredom...life isn't as fun as last time...being in poly is an honour but still i guess the suffering still lives...but at a greater scale...social life? Its more to bullshit than ever...but there's still good people around...like my dad used to say, having no friends is sometimes better than having one which destroys your life...true that dad...love life? Well...i don't know what is exactly happening...for some reasons its going up and down...never stable...well you...honestly speaking, i'm into you head over heels...but there's always that jealousy in me that never dies...i want you badly...i can't really express that feelings towards you or write it down anywhere...but i just know that deep down i love you that much...somehow i wish you could change as well...i'm willing to put your past behind...let it be the past...but i'm just plain jealous...i know you're close with guys and all...i can't stop you because its your life...i'm just a friend to you...but each time you go out, or ride with another guy, i just can't help myself having that jealous feeling...i know i should be stopping all that because i'm not your boyfriend...but still...it reminds me of my past and your past...i always get flashbacks or random thoughts you see...its not that i want to but it always happen...i just want to have you...i'm very sincere about my feelings...i want you to be by my side...not to be bothered by any other guys...of course its selfish of me...but i know its how i can take care of you...i know you've been hurt alot...and i wanna stop that...you're like the sweetest i have now and somewhat the only person i have left thats close to my heart apart from my family...somehow you've just turned into someone very precious to me...someone who i wanna keep for life...i want you but i want you to change...i might not be that handsome, good looking, charming, rich or whatever descriptions on your boyfriend-have-to-be list...but i have a heart...thats always ready to love you, take care of you with all that i have...and i hope you would do the same to me...i'm trying my best to not be jealous...and i've not been quitting halfway and letting you go...i've come so far...and i'm still trying...baby, i love you...

Face it... She's gone... There's no way that it is possible for you to get her back... Shafiq... Roll over... Play dead... Or should i say Be dead...

Its been quite awhile since my last post... Its been what? A few months ago? Oh well... I must have been rather busy... Going Indonesia... Then Malaysia... Holidays are kinda enjoyable while it lasted... But now its over... Back to school... Boring same routine over and over again... That's some of the reasons why i didn't blog for quite some time... Other reasons are simply... Things are getting too personal... Seems like the older you get, the more personal things would get... And more privacy is necessarily enforced... Starting from today, i'm officially alone again... I guess i will be till i change my attitude i give to people... Especially her... And yea... I am withdrawing myself again... From her... I guess i'll just be a burden to her cause i know i'm kinda irritating... And i'm somehow impatient... When can i evolve into someone who is not bothered about waiting? Having superb level of patience... I'm the one who still needs more learning... A new year... A new chapter... Hopefully i will find what i need to do the necessary changes and such... And you. . . I'm sorry but i guess i just have to do this... To me, it seems like a better option... I just care too much about everything rather than to care about something... I know you all will be confused about the previous line but i think i'm the only one who understands... You seemed so perfect... Who am i to you... Probably nothing at all... I'm just a friend you met somewhere... And i couldn't match up to your standard... I'm such a lousy guy... A loser... A lame loser... and i'm invisible... Don't forget that...

I feel like i wanna die right now... Seriously... My life seems to be useless from this point on... People will never understand what it feels like to be me... People will never understand what its like to be going through what i am right now... Just had a little quarrel with my dad... And its about me... Seems like nothing at all... But seriously irritating... He doesn't really understand what is the real deal all about... He just keep emphasizing his point which is like the totally 100% sure correct when it is not... Come on man... I read every single article about what i'm having... His point really won't make me any better... But actually will make it worse... I know i'm a very big disappointment to him arh... Because i can't be a great person who will bring glory for the family or something like that... Things has changed... I'm not going to be an amazing son anymore... I can't follow in his footsteps thats for sure... I can only rely on academics... Which i'm not even good at... I can't do much of a physical activities because of what i'm going through... It really hurts... My heart that is... Upon knowing such things... Life is seriously unfair for me... I might be looking cheerful outside... Its because i don't really want you people to worry about me... Oh well... If he wants to be disappointed with me forever also i don't care... I know its not my fault... I didn't really ask for this to happen... I can still be great... But not as before... My moral has gone down the drain... My self esteem is lost... Just like a fifty storey building collapsing... And now i'm rebuilding it... Brick by brick... Bit by bit... It won't be that early to be finished but perseverance is what i need the most... Till then... Cherios...

Borned on october 15 1992, i sound like a normal baby... But in fact i was in my mum's womb for 10 months... When i came out, i didn't cry like normal baby would do... I was a stoner... Everybody was scared that i wasn't alive... Doctors did whatever they could... And i started to cry... There, marks a new beginning for me... Named Shafiq... I grew up... Not knowing what the future holds... Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year, i just keep learning and learning... From nothing to something... From Crawling to Walking... My mum and dad would really take good care of me... Never letting anything harm me... Protecting me always... Then soon after i was able to understand things, i was taught how to be independent... Do things on my own... Like how normal boys would... Many facts about myself was discovered... As time passes by... These facts seems to get bad and nasty... But i pushed on... I still had alot to understand about myself... Sacrificed some of my time to physical activities... Grew abit bigger... My mind began to receive words slower... But i am able to react like normal people... Because i was kinda slow, i didn't really notice about my surrounding... Innocently moving around... People took advantage of me... Well... Life has to go on... Lessons were learnt... And i was on par with people who used to bully me... I really appreciate my parents for teaching me how to be independent... If not, i still wouldn't survive the emotional sufferings i had... Till now, i don't really have any friends who could really stay with me through thick and thin... Most of them just come and go... but i don't mind... Recently i went for a medical check up... Almost All the stations i did okay... All was well.. For that moment i thought... Thats when today i had the bad news told... I did expected it to come... But its still kinda surprising... When all was gonna be fine, this had to come in place... Just when you thought your life was going through steadily, the nasty facts about yourself had to block you from going far... The body which you had build... The structure in which you had designed it to be... Has just failed you... And just when you think that that nasty fact of yours will be invisible, it has just shown itself... I just see my future getting darker than it used to be... Its fading away... And all of it that i have dreamt of will be nothing but merely be a dream... So how is this going to be? How is my life gonna continue from here on? I know that life is unfair... But i didn't expect it to be this bad... I'm not gonna be considered as physically fit anymore... Even if i could do hundreds of push ups... Twenty over pull ups... Get 8 mins for 2.4km... A single medical test would just land me in the waste basket... I'm not academically good as i used to be... Thats why ite is the place i study now... But then again... True Courage is to move on without losing yourself in spite of all the difficulty and dishonor...You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be... Trying to instill a positive mindset to get me going... I should let Faith decide... Let Fate bring me there... And just Hope for the best... Cherios. . .